april fool.

well, almost. there are a few days left of this merry month, but i've got a head start on everyone else.

see, i seem to have gone above and beyond the call of stupid, and assumed the role of march fool as well. congratulate or pity me - whichever you feel is more appropriate. either might apply.

it's been a strange little four-week medley of a month - full of foibles and follies and funny and pretty much no filler. oh, and a whole lot of that other f-word. as in: 'f, did i really just send that text?' or 'f, did i really just lose my voice?' or, 'f, did that really just happen?' or 'f have i really been here for 6 months?'

the answers to all of these f-tions, is, of course,

yes, yes, yes, and yes!

and do i regret any of it?

no, no, no and no...ish.

i mean, what is regret, really, but sitting around and mentally kicking yourself in the head (ass, and teeth) all day about things that you can't go back and change? sounds a bit snoozy.

after all,

what's a technological slip up in the grand scheme of things (flings/everythings)? what's one week without a voice in a life full of yapping? what's an amusing hiccup in a friendship's smooth talking? and finally, what's 6 quick months when i have years for absorbing?

exactly. april fools, march. i'm the one laughing now.

friday the 13th.

and i feel lucky to be home, finally. to be alone, finally. seems like the past month has been a whirlwind - no, scratch that - a tornado of human interaction and social butterflying and meetings and greetings and finally!

i am home.

not to say that i haven't enjoyed it all - it's been grand and grand it will be again starting tomorrow, i'm sure. but tonight, tonight, sweet solitude. and now that i am finally sitting still for a moment, i am suddenly realizing all the randomness that's happened of late. and when i say random, i truly mean random. a friend of mine always makes fun of me for saying everything is random - it's how i usually describe pretty much any night i've had, event i've been to, encounter i've encountered. but truly, it is an appropriate word for my life. especially these days. these days, every day is slightly more off kilter than the last.

take this week.

it started off with a fever. hot and bothered, i couldn't be bothered to go to work. or, rather, i couldn't even get out of bed to even try to go. i read. i wrote. i tossed, turned, and got my nails painted the color of red christmas ornaments - the shiny ball ones that glint against the twinkly lights.

and i thought to myself, 'this week is going to be calmer'.

but no. come, tuesday i was well on my way back into the land of too much of everything. too much work. too much beer. too much amusing conversation. too much too much. when i came to wednesday morning, the remorse was palpable. the headache rolled over and kissed me smack on the lips and whispered, no, yelled, 'sucker!' and sucker, i was. after all, i had to go to work. and stay till 7 pm writing scripts. 'the rest of the week is going to be calmer,' i promised myself.

but then thursday rolled around - these 't' letter days stand for trouble, apparently.

and thursday the pain, the horror of the previous pain and horror had subsided. i was back, i was good - no, great - to go. and so i went. this time to an ad party at some bar on delancey. i do find the advertising scene in this town funny. i always get the feeling that i'm talking to that guy who did that ad, and i get a little tongue-tied, before i remember it's just advertising.

eventually i abandoned that sort of small talk for a lengthy and far too heated debate with someone about whether or not human nature existed. i argued that it did - and had i thought about it, i could have used about a million examples of how exactly it does exist from just this week alone. anyhow, the party was fun, the heavy metal bar after was funny, and the chips we stuffed in our faces on the cab ride home were the funniest.

i awoke this morning and realized that no, this week had not been calm, nor would it get calmer. a friend from london arrives tomorrow, and off we'll go. the sun will be out, and so will i. which is fine. i've got my night of nerdy quiet. and i've come to accept the reality that random will have its way with me whether i like it or not.

but thankfully, like it i do.

another sunday.

and this one is particularly sleepy. i guess that's what working till after midnight all week will do to your weekend. it's like there's gauze wrapped round my mind, casting everything in a hazy dazy glow of stupid.

of note, two things:

came across a pair of pants lying on a sidewalk in park slope last night. there they were, legs splayed out like, well, like legs. how someone came to lose such a pair, i can hardly imagine. maybe it was a hipster molting out of those, emerging fresh and beautiful, in skinny jeans.

march is already marching ahead into spring. which is good news in a year of bad news - at least the change of seasons is a predictable joy in a world of crummy headlines and bailout deadlines. we watched the clocks move from 2 am to 3 am and suddenly the evening felt a lot more over than it had the minute before.

i'm sure we'll be thankful for the light soon, though.

after all, it's what makes the future bright.