goodness.

gracious, great balls of what, of truancy? of neglect?

i have been a tragically awful correspondent. because, you know, i am corresponding with the invisible reader here, and that invisible reader is angry. a non-existent pen-pal waving a non-existent pen, cursing the sorry state of our non-existent letters. it's funny to feel guilty about not updating a blog that has a readership of -20, but you know, i am a very conscientious person, and apparently i like to feel guilty. so let me apologize, dear nobody.

and now that that's out of the way, onto the excitement of life since i last entertained with anecdotes and clever notes. or something. what has happened? well, i have worked. and worked some more.

and there have been some epiphanies.

yes, epiphanies. those things that make you suddenly realize that something you thought was something else is now just something else. yes, i intentionally made a tongue twister of that. fact is, there's no less confusing way to explain, unless, of course, i were to go into detail. and detail means real explanation. lowering pride, like a fishing line, into the depths of candid conversation. i cannot do that. or rather, i will not.

suffice to say, epiphanies sometimes suck a little.

but they are a necessary thing in life. they propel you forward. they don't hold you back. they make you talk silly.

they make you listen to songs on repeat, repeating to yourself over and over, 'i can do this. i can do this. right?'

and yes, of course you can. i can.

it's not so hard, really. a quick head shake, like snapping out of a prolonged daydream. and into the day.

into the summer.

into my first summer, in this dirty delight of a city.

it's going to be good, i know it is.