snow day.

a calm day in the city that thinks it never sleeps, but actually enjoys long naps. or is that comas. all i know is this town is quiet as a mouse today. which is fine by me - it's been a quiet kind of month. oh sure, there are spurts and splashes of something that could be called loud, but on the whole, it's contemplative calendar days counting down to that thing called spring.

and what will spring bring? (other than alarmingly nerdy rhyming phrases, of course.) well, i think, decision. and precision, meaning picking the right things to focus on and well, focusing on them. this new year so far has really been marked by a new sense of determination previously unknown to me. i wonder if the new living space is giving me a new sense of...grace? no, something more like drive.

and even if that drive means i careen off a cliff into oblivion, well, at least i enjoyed the ride.

here is a lovely video of bon iver singing, "flume". at the risk of sounding extremely nerdy & sentimental, this song's beauty stuns me. yup, that was both nerdy & sentimental. but seriously, this just bleeds longing.

perfect for a thoughtful january.

apartment story.

when you think about it, it's an odd thing to move your existence from one location to the next. from one space, one room, one atomsphere to another - another so different you hardly recognize anything anymore. sure, it's the same stuff, the same detritus - but its backdrop has changed. and with it, you have changed as well.

now, i'm not saying that my move has made me into anything that i wasn't - but it can be a funny thing to stop - after all the rush and mayhem of moving - and realize that suddenly you are at a resting point, a moment of peace in a place that has suddenly become home. and that you are just fine with being in a slightly different mindset than you were before. it's all the cliched bits about pieces of puzzles finally settling into place and coming to life.

it is home for the moment. and home is where the heart is. or in my case, where the art is. sixty or so pieces of canvas and frames and photographs sit against windows and walls, waiting to be showcased. and sadly, in this tiny postage stamp of an apartment, some of their waiting will inevitably be in vain. but regardless, the heart and the art co-exist. happily, for the moment. oh, sure, there's always that sense of longing - longing for something that is ever somewhere that isn't here, but such is life. and such are highly silly musings on nothing much.

so here i'll sit in my new apartment on my new sofa (though new it is not - it has led many lives before it saw mine) and contemplate my newish existence. new in calendar year, new in motivation, new in peace of mind. for some strange reason, things have settled in my often frenetic mind. yes, i still yearn and yimmer yammer. but i have come to a realization that things will work out. and instead of thinking endlessly about what will be, i want to only think about what is being. and in that decision, everything that is now, will ultimately effect what happens.

yes yes, slightly cheeseball self-help styles. but kind of, well, apt.

how appropriate, that apt is an abbrevation for apartment.