mid june?

no, post-mid-june.

late june, even - though admittedly in the early stages.

life moves along at an alarming clip as usual. a brief glimpse of summer gave way to rainy chillers.

more ramble to come, but for the moment, a poem i absolutely adore, by hugo williams. i came across it in a book of british contemporary poetry the other day - my determination to be a hack poet has forced me to read poetry by those who aren't hacks at all. and so i sit, beer and poetry book in hand, contemplating life as a pretentious goon. here it is in all its melancholic splendor:

Along these Lines.

And so you cry for her, and the poem falls to the page
As if it knew all along that what we make of ourselves we take
From one another's hearts - tearing and shouting until we learn
How awkwardly, upstairs and behind shut doors we are born
Already owing interest on what we have borrowed from the
world.

everyday is like sunday.

every day is cloudy and grey.

well, not every day, but today there have been moments, let me tell you. of course, now, just as we descend from day to evening, it has turned into a massive mess of gorgeous out - just in time to realize that the weekend is over.

and so is may.

yes, somehow the lovely month of may disappeared as quickly as it materialized. i think that's called growing up.

and so it's june. the month of warm breezes, and doing what you pleases, and patios and picnics and all the things that make summer, well, summery. it's also hopefully a month of resolve and resolute resolution. and solutions. i've realized that in all my time talking, i've done very little else. yes, i know very well how to pontificate about all the things to be done, and then, see, they never get done. which is fine, i can now admit a certain amount of un-hip hypocrisy.

now that the fog has lifted, i can actually shut up and do. ok, so maybe i'll never shut up - but i already have started to make small, small steps, tiny faltering stumbles into something good. and it's getting better. it's getting better all the time.

what will the next few months bring? other than sun and sighs and contemplating the meaning of goodbyes?

i don't know. and i also don't know why i insist on rhyming myself into schmaltzy oblivion. i suppose it's cathartic. and if you can't write silly willy-nilly on a blog, where can you?

at any rate, it's a sunday evening on the cusp of summer, and as i sit in my little nest of self-examination, listening to my ipod on shuffle, i realize it's my life that's on shuffle too.

but instead of track to track, it's instance to incident to conversation to realization to deliberation to heartbreak to heartache to cupcakes to mistakes to another cupcake to stomachaches to beer to fear to more beer to alleviate fear to laughing to loving to longing to losing my mind to work to shirk to so much work i wonder if i'll ever doing anything but work to wondering why i'm such a jerk to just focusing on getting through it all with some sort of wisdom. or just perspective.

shuffle shuffle shuffle.

i wonder where i'll land.