Monday, December 31, 2007

2008. here we go here we go now.
Photobucketit's hard to believe that an entire year has slipped through my fingers, or some such cliched cliche. seriously though, where did the year go? wasn't it just new years eve of a year that's no longer new? wasn't i just waxing frenetic about every adventure i was bound to face in the fantastic wonderful futuristic year of 2007?

it boggles the mind, it truly does. and i realize that this sort of marvelling is more suited to a nostalgic 85 year old, than a forward-thinking 28 year old, but what can you do. this is an evening set aside for grandiose intentions. for impossibly high expecations. for schmaltzy reminiscing. for letdowns. for countdowns. for throwdowns. for showdowns. and in my case tonight, slowdowns.

for me, new years has never been a contender. oh, it's very sure of itself - confident, dressed to impress. but it lacks character, does new years - it's just a hyped up wizard of oz - all airs and no graces. all puff and no consequence. after all, when everyone is desperate to have the best night of their lives, they're sure to be dissapointed.

and so, you set out with no real plan in mind. and spontaneity gives way to fun, without the pressure. which is why i ended up having a late dinner at a divey dive in chinatown. 46 dollars bought us enough kung pao eggplant spring roll hot & sour magnificence to feed a small army. and their families.

then onto the embassy, a tiny bar with a warm glow and a soundtrack of pixies and interpol and all things happy. for awhile, we were the only people there. which was nice, on a night where cabs are scarce, and jostling is king. and strangely, 46 dollars again bought us nut brown ales and ciders and a 9 % beer that made me feel slightly underwater and over the moon.

ah, 2008. a year with so much promise. like every other year in the book. we're such a ritualized people, that we herd together year after year to celebrate the possibility and new-ness in the same way we've done it every year. creatures of habit, i suppose. i do feel that 08 will be different though. call me crazy. or just optimistic. there's just a crackle in the air, and it has nothing to do with the snow. it's how i'm feeling. it's how life is feeling. it's the way things are these days. different. and ready.

this year will be one to remember.

Monday, December 03, 2007

snow snow everywhere.
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falling down in drifts of what looks like powdered sugar, but probably tastes half as sweet, that is, if it has any taste at all. often snow just tastes like watered down watery what. like ice cubes, melted, leaving the stale taste of freezer burn on your tongue.

it's that time of year when you slip and slide down sidewalks, anxious to get where you're going, but equally anxious not to break your neck doing so. and so you stumble along cautiously, maneuvering clumsy feet in an awkward winter boot ballet - leaping over slushy ice puddles and pirouetting past scraping shovels, sinking to a final curtsy in a chilly streetcar seat.

winter brings flurries. of snow and activity. whirlwinds of parties and functions and dysfunction. it all leaves me rather breathless, and i don't know that it's because of the excitement. things are strange these days. stranger, maybe, then they've ever been. there's a flutter in my chest, like a trapped moth, beating its wings against my ribcage, jackhammering me into a state of happy terror.

i guess sometimes you realize the inevitablity of life. and once that happens, well then, you're screwed, aren't you. and maybe by screwed i mean enlightened. it's hard to say, really. figuring things out, even just a little bit, can leave you with a sense of longing for the ignorance you had before. if i'm this contemplative in the not knowing, what sort of mental epiphany will i achieve when i really know? i'll probably find myself halfway between insane and insanely relieved.

just another december day.