just another manic sunday.

well, not manic, really. more like muddled. befuddled.

as i try to put together the pieces of what seems like a puzzle, but is more likely just a rather uninteresting fact of life, i wonder. wonder if i am crazy, or just the same as everyone else in every other situation like this. it's funny, you can convince yourself that your situations are unique, and then you realize that gazillions, if not bajillions of people are going through the same heartaches and headaches as you are.

is it human to feel special, when really you aren't?

i suppose it's a rather wonderful brand of selfishness - after all, no one is going to care about your own problems like you are. so you might as well believe with all your might that they are indeed one of a kind.

all i know is that i know very little of anything these days. the autumn has hit rock bottom, as it were. and so here we go, en route up up & away to feeling a bit more lively and lovely. thing is, when you spend all your time looking ahead, you forget that your day to day life is real. it doesn't seem permanent, and therefore it feels less important than the next next next steps. and yet, it is all your time, isn't it.

so this time, it's finally time to decide what i'm doing in time, so i can enjoy truly enjoy my time.

and now it's bedtime.